I hope your 2019 has started off so strong! Man, has this month flown by. Before we know it, it’ll already be 2020! Okay, kidding (partially), but February is literally next week... whoa. I guess time flies when you’re having fun (or working too hard, like me). Life recap: my middle name is now workaholic. You can find me at my office at 6 am most days. Update on the work front: about a month ago, I got a promotion! I am now the ‘Supervisor of New Business Administration’ at my company. I still do a ton of my normal administrative tasks, along with some more reporting and managing my staff and their PTO/ tasks, making sure the admin. side of the department is running smoothly, and etc. I also have the best two managers over me. I’m pumped! I love clerical things and reporting and managing. Super excited for my future with this company.
This week has been crazy. I have not felt motivated to leave my house after work, or write, at all. I’ve felt my anxiety and depression try to creep in and knock me out of my normal routines and hobbies. I wanted to just curl up under a blanket to sleep and cry all week. I couldn’t figure out why until yesterday.
I realized I just need to worry about me, and go after what I want.
I’ve written about not holding yourself back before. (You can read that article here!) I thought that I had gotten out of my own way, but not quite. I’m still holding myself back in some aspects, without even realizing it. I had this realization while I was in a co-worker’s office on Wednesday. I was sitting on her couch talking to her about life and some boy advice that I needed, when I saw her grab a pair of scissors and watched her cut the split ends off of her hair. Like… what just happened? Who randomly cuts their own split ends off (while not even looking in a mirror, I might add) while at work? I sat there with my mouth open. I might’ve honestly shrieked. After telling her that her hair was probably uneven now and asking why she had decided to do that, she told me that it didn’t matter - who was really looking at her hair? Why did it matter if it was a tiny bit uneven? Who cared? This was when I realized that I cared way, way, way too much about what people thought about me and I saw how much pressure that I’ve been putting on myself to look, act, and be perfect and the same pressure that I’ve been putting on all of the people and relationships in my life. I have very high standards and expectations, and I’m 100% a perfectionist. If something doesn’t happen according to my plan, you can find me sulking for days, weeks, even months. While it’s okay to be upset when things don't go how you imagined, not everything in life is under your control. You have to learn to let things roll off your back and just go with the flow sometimes, which is a lot easier said than done for most people like myself. Why do you (I) care so much about what other people think? Why are we (I) so concerned with what other people are doing in their lives, and how they’ll perceive us? Listen, it’s so not worth it. It's holding you back from happiness. Who cares what everyone else thinks about what you're doing? The only person’s opinion about you that matters, is your own. You need to be and do and go after whatever makes you happy. You need to follow your heart.
Let's break it down.
Friendships:
I’m always scared I’m going to say the wrong thing, so most of the time I’m quiet and contained. I’m concerned I’m going to rub someone the wrong way, even my best friends who have known me for 12+ years. I used to be scared to get into even the tiniest of arguments with them, for fear that they wouldn’t want to be friends anymore if we had a difference of opinion which is just insane. No one is going to mesh 100% of the time, we’re all different and have different ideas of life, morals, values, etc. Different likes and dislikes, wants and needs. Don’t be scared to talk about what’s bothering you and to realize that you’re also not always in the right either. If someone is coming to you with something that they’re concerned about in your relationship, it’s because they care. Constructive criticism is always good, and will make your friendship stronger. If a friendship is hurting you or is toxic, you can cut them out of your life. If there's a strain on your friendship for any reason or an issue is weighing on your heart, talk it out. Listen to what your heart is saying.
Dating:
I used to absolutely hate dating multiple guys at once. I still kind of do, its just weird to me still. I guess I’m just now at that age where it’s a normal thing to do, casual dating and just seeing where things go. Way back in high school, you typically talked to someone for like a week and then it was just assumed you were exclusive, and then came the shy question of "will you go out with me?" Now being in my early twenties, it’s typical for people to be on dating apps and seeing multiple people a week. I mean, I match with multiple guys on Bumble at the same time, but normally stick to actually going on dates and focusing on one guy at a time. I don't like things to get messy or confusing, I'm very concise. I have relationship intentions, I’ve never been a super casual dater. I had a long term relationship in high school, a semi-long term relationship right after high school, and another long term relationship a little after that. The shortest amount of time I’ve dated someone would probably be around 10 months. I’ve never been a fan of the whole 'let’s just go grab dinner, talk, hangout, maybe hangout again in the future - oh, but also, let’s do it with multiple people at the same time and always be confused on where we stand.' Adult dating sucks. There are literally no rules or guidelines, and that is the worst for a planner personality like me who also specializes in getting attached to anything that breathes in two seconds. After talking to a guy for a couple weeks, I typically like to have the whole “what is this/where do you see this going” conversation. I’m always so terrified to have the talk, because there’s a 50/50 chance that it won’t be the answer that I'm wanting to hear. And I mean, is it really that bad to just keep things where they are and maybe prolong the hurt and disappointment? Wrong. In all honesty, if he isn’t on the same page or feeling the same about you - why is it even worth it to get so upset over? Sure, it really sucks to hear in the moment, but that doesn’t make you any less great of a person. You still rock. It’s their loss, not yours. There are seven billion people in the world, take a breath. Not everything is meant to work out. You meet certain people for certain reasons. Be forward and intentional in all the moves you make, and figure out what the other person wants. I hate the term "I don't want to waste your time", because is it really a waste of time to meet someone new? Just because it doesn't go anywhere romantically does not make it a waste of time. So have that conversation, and be strong about it. It's always good to know people's intentions. Follow your heart, you know what you want.
Career:
Like I said in the intro, I was recently promoted. I'm only 23, so I feel a little awkward when there are people 10-20+ years older than me who might've also wanted to lead like I'm doing, but I put myself out there. I advocated for myself and went out and got the promotion that I wanted. My old boss must've obviously seen something in me, because I got it. Don't you ever feel bad about your successes. Scream about it from the rooftops. Just because other people aren't in the same place as you or if you're succeeding while they aren't - does not mean you need to slow down or lower yourselves to meet them at whatever level they are at. We're all at different stages in life. For starters, your education level does not decipher what kind of person you are or what kind of success you can accomplish. I know people who got to graduate from college super early, and some people who didn't finish until they were in their early 30's. I know some people who went to college and still have no idea what they want to do. I know some people who dropped out of college. I didn't even go to college, but I still have a great job. Secondly, your job also does not decipher who you are. I know people in entry level jobs who are so happy, and some people who have high executive level jobs who are happy. All of this is okay. Your job title does not matter to anyone else. You can be whatever you want to be. You can have whatever job your heart desires. All that matters is that you like what you are doing. You will eventually succeed on your own time table. We are not all going to succeed at the same time. Also, step up and support your friends who are in their season of success, even if you aren't right there with them. Cheer them on. They'll do the same for you one day. This is the part where I shout out at my friends because they rock. (And yes, I'm going to do it again for the millionth time.) Hi guys. You are my favorites and I'm oh so thankful for you and all you do for me and I love love love watching you all follow your dreams. Thanks for always being there, even when I sometimes make dumb decisions. #tp
The moral of the story is to go after what you want. Whether it be a promotion, relationship, conquering an issue in a friendship, etc. - don’t feel bad for admitting what you want, possibly stepping on toes on your climb up or rubbing someone the wrong way. Talk to your friend about what's on your mind. Be bold and lay out what you want with that guy because if he doesn’t want the same thing, then he’s not worth your time anyways. Don’t be scared of success, even if everyone around you is struggling. You are in charge of yourself. Worry about you. Make new friends. Fall in love. Graduate college. Ask for a promotion. Start your own business. Quit your miserable job. Succeed. Live your life.
What's stopping you? Make your own path, go your own way. Follow your heart.
In honor of my best friends who have always supported me in every aspect of my life every step of the way, I've included some pictures of our greatest moments because why not? It was too hard to just pick one, so naturally I had to include 12 because that's who I am as a person. You can thank me for the throwbacks later, guys. I think we're pretty cute.
Kristen
Have a fantastic weekend!
P.S. Here are some inspirational and motivational quotes for this fine Friday:
"Trust what you feel, not what you hear."
"Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards, and/or expectations, wasn’t really stable enough to begin with."
"It is not your responsibility to babysit people’s insecurities. You are not obligated to slow down your bloom so they can meet you at a level they are comfortable with. Your growth is too important to dim the light within you for someone still trying to find their own."