You need to slow down.
I know, I know. I’m one to talk. Rushing into things is top 5 on my list of attributes. This article is just as much for me as it is for you.
You know me, I hate casual dating. Having a relationship is the name of the game for me. I hate never knowing where you stand with someone in the beginning stages of dating, and my anxiety makes me want constant reassurance. It makes me crave a label and the validation that comes with it, so I rush into being exclusive quickly, even when I don’t know if I really like the other person. I’m a work in progress, and that’s okay - because I am actively working on it. I don’t want to bring my toxic qualities to the table anymore. I want to slow down and not screw up something great with a guy (or my emotional & mental state) by jumping the gun before forming a real bond. I want that unconditional, messy, heart-stopping, forever true love, but I’m gonna take my time finding it.
Here’s why you should too:
1. Real love takes time.
If you rush, chances are that you’ll fall in love with the idea of love instead of with the actual person. If it’s real, there will be no need to rush. It’ll feel right.
2. There’s no time limit on love.
I got really upset right after my engagement was broken off because I didn’t want to start over “at my age”, but now I see that that was a really insane thought. I’m 23, I have my entire life to love and be loved. You don’t need to be obsessed with being married or having a family by a certain age, or worrying because all of your other friends are in serious relationships. You have time to take things slow and take care of yourself first, there’s no pressure. It happens when it happens. Take your time to find your person instead of settling for someone out of fear.
3. Limits how much you stress over it.
Let’s talk exclusivity, folks. Don’t put so much pressure on one person and constantly worry about if they are dating around so soon after meeting. You’’ll both feel if and when it’s right. You don’t need to be exclusive to be validated. Have fun and get to know the person for who they are, and not what they could be to you. Let it build up on its own. Enjoy the beginning stages of flirting and figuring each other out and if they are actually a good match for you.
4. Lets you build a friendship.
Ideally, I want my future husband to be my best friend. No, I don’t want to replace my current best friends, but I do want to have a solid foundation with my guy before we take it to the next level. I want to be 100% comfortable around him and to be able to be my absolute true self. I don’t want to worry if I should or shouldn’t say or do something. I want him to be the person I go to to vent about my day. I want him to see the good, the bad, and the ugly. I want a rock solid ground level friendship first and foremost, and that takes time.
5. Lets you see red flags.
I do this thing where I go so fast that I don’t see the red flags and deal breakers. When I do end up spotting them, I try to just deal because we’re typically committed at that point and I hate confrontation. I’ve dealt with red flags for months on end because I’m scared to stop and start over with someone new. You should never settle. You deserve someone who you’re truly and madly in love with.
Take it slow & steady, peeps!
Kristen